Today I have been very conscious about my choices. I am watching what feels easy versus what feels good. What I’m doing just out of habit, and what I’m judging favorably or harshly. I am taking a look at what is really behind my behavior, and what I decide that it means about me. It is an interesting view. One thing I realized is that I run on adrenaline and guilt a lot of the time. I am afraid that if I stop and do nothing, I will never get up and get to work again.
I am inherently happy to just lounge on the couch reading a book for hours, getting up only to refill my tea and eat whatever is already prepared in the fridge, preferably while standing in front of the open fridge. As a stay at home mom I consider this to be something I should never do, because I’m at work you know. I have a great work ethic, I will tirelessly toil until everything is done. I can make the impossible possible through sheer will. The problem is that I am always at work, so the days start to blur together after a while.
I decided to try an experiment this morning. If I lay on the couch drinking tea and reading while Ella plays on the floor, will my world collapse? Will I never rise from my reverie? I bet you can guess the answer. Thankfully, babies are great at making sure you stay on task, as long as the task is them. I got up and fed the baby, did the dishes and laundry, picked up the pieces of the busy weekend, and even got things started for tomorrow’s dinner. I learned that feeling stressed and guilty before doing housework does not make it more likely to get done, and certainly not more pleasant to do. I thought about what Mo’s homeopath told him when he spoke to her the other day.
She asked him how he was doing. He said he was trying to be healthy. She gave him the ultimate Yoda answer: there is no try, only do. She said, “You aren’t trying, you’re doing it.” I remembered my doula at Ben’s birth when at about hour eighteen I said “I can’t do it.” She replied, “You ARE doing it.” This advice applies to difficulties, large and small. Sometimes the littlest things are the hardest. I don’t need to worry or even think about any housework, I just need to do it at some point. The rest of the time I have so many better things to think about!
Today’s Liebster Award goes to a mom who has shown me how to be a stay at home mom, and still be yourself. I saw her one day at the park and thought “Hey that lady has a cool haircut and her baby looks around the same size as mine.” Three hours later we were still sitting in the middle of the playground, nursing our babies, talking about the struggles of sugar addiction and life in a town where the main attraction is a giant mall. Not only that, but she’s from Vancouver, where we’ve been trying to move for about the past ten years. It was obviously meant to be, so we’ve been enjoying getting to know each other and our families get along too! Thank you Zinta, for reminding me how great, fun, and funny women friends can be, and that reading while baby plays is a perfectly acceptable way to spend a morning. Check out her blog So They Moved to Miami for hilarious thoughts on American culture, parenthood, and much more!
Zinta, if you would like to accept the Liebster, here’s the deal:
- 1. The Liebster Award is given by bloggers to bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
- 2. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
- 3. Each blogger should answer the 11 questions given to you.
- 4. Choose 11 new bloggers to pass the award on to and link them in your post.
- 5. Create 11 new questions for the chosen bloggers.
- 6. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
- 7. No tag backs.
Even if you don’t want to accept the “award” please answer my 11 questions here in the comments or on your blog!
1. Where on earth do you feel the most yourself?
2. What is your favorite quality in a friend?
3. Best sandwich you ever ate.
4. Window or aisle?
5. Favorite mistake.
6. What is your dream date night?
7. What did you want to be when you grew up?
8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
9. Best advice ever given to you.
10. Worst advice ever given to you.
11. Best advice you can give.
See you tomorrow with another nominee!