It is almost 4am and I am sitting in my living room, half trying to convince myself to get back in bed, and half enjoying the quiet. We just got back from our trip to Vancouver Island and we are all a bit out of sorts, jetlagged and discombobulated. As I had promised Ben we would do when we returned, we have moved his bed into our room and are in the process of turning his room into an office for all of us. We have one table in our dining/living area, and since Ben is homeschooling this year I want to change his room to make some dedicated space for us to do writing and art, etc. Mo and I also need somewhere to work, instead of the usual laptop propped on a chair scenario.
In the past seven years Mo and I have moved nine times, which I think means we are adventurous, and a bit rootless. With each move we whittle down our belongings a little, and now all we really have are books and clothes. The intercontinental moves back and forth to Israel were especially good at getting rid of our furniture! In our current apartment we have a mishmash of hand me downs, the kids’ books are in a makeshift milk crate bookshelf, our books are stacked on the floor of our bedroom, and generally, let’s just say the apartment is decorated in the style of college students who maybe run a daycare. I like the tapestries and kids toys motif, and I am making peace with being somewhat unconventional.
We keep making decisions based on what presents itself to us, using the best of our knowledge and intuition, and those decisions keep being more and more unconventional. Move to Israel with a kid? Sure! Not working out, time to get out before going deep into debt, move to America while 36 weeks pregnant? Sure! Homebirth? Yes, absolutely! Taking my kid out of every school I’ve sent him to, then finally deciding to homeschool? Didn’t ever think I would say it, but definitely yes! Grain free? WHAT?? I LOVE BREAD! Why would I do this?Because a dentist told me to! Okay, yes to that too! My point is that as our family grows and changes, we are required to make choices to meet each challenge that arises. What is the main motivation in these choices? For me it boils down to what will help us be our most authentic selves, the healthiest, most centered “us” we can be.
As I continue on my journey through coming to terms with my emotions and experiences I am reluctant to say that I want to do things that make us happy, because happiness is something that comes and goes. I do want to prioritize doing things that bring us pleasure, and peace. Thus, I find myself making choices that I sometimes feel self-conscious about, that I feel I have to explain in lengthy conversations, that I would have judged a few years ago. I hope that the process of explaining my choices helps clarify why I make these choices, and that I continue to be less judgmental of others. I am becoming more and more open to understanding that there are endless right ways to do anything, and what’s right is constantly in flux.
More soon, in the meantime, a few more photos from our Vancouver Island trip.